Please excuse me as I emotionally vomit…

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Let’s push the envelope a bit, shall we?

It’s been SOME time since my last post. The phrase “when it rains, it pours” has been the story of my life for the past year. side note: can’t believe it’s been a year. Regardless, it is what it is. Don’t get me wrong. I love my life. Life has taught me a myriad of things and I have come out a completely different person. Some things good, a lot of things bad. Only those closest to me have really seen the difference. They’re worried. I’ve got it under control. Or so I think.

Brings me to the next point. What do you do when every one around you tells you that you’re not handling things very well yet you are perfectly content? How do you even get back to the point where you become what you were before after so much has happened? How do you turn your emotions back on? How do you care when you don’t want to? Here’s my dilemma. I don’t know how to get back to the point where the things that mattered to me most affected (effected?) me and don’t now. Especially considering the fact that I don’t want them to. Is it horrible that I am perfectly content with not caring? Is it horrible that I only want to worry about me? That I want to focus on the people and things that make me happy?

Self medicating. Auto shut down. These things work. They make sense. They are how I move forward. How is this wrong? Am I not still living my life? Do I not have a smile on my face? Do I not feel joy?

How can I let people decide when enough is enough for ME?

I’m no longer on the verge of self combustion. I am legit HAPPY. How long this lasts is yet to be determined. But shouldn’t it be good enough for now?

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