Social media and the such…

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I have officially been three weeks without any social media what so ever. Considering that my birthday just passed and I didn’t jump right back on is a big triumph for me. So why bring it up? There becomes this obsession that kind of developes in my mind and permeates throughout my day that makes it hard for social media to not be a hurdle. The couple of minutes that I allocate turns into WAY TOO many minutes being spent on social media. And for what? I think I am coming to a point in my life where I feel that if someone wants to be a part of my life, they will do so by reaching out to me. Not liking my picture or my posts. Makes sense right? Simple for some. Not so simple for others. 
Life has been a whirlwind in more ways than one but at the end of the day I would not change a single moment. I love the people who are in my life and the memories I am making. The future is looking bright 🌻

Forward only…

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Sometimes you just need a moment to realize that in order to get past it all, you just need to pick up the pieces and move on.

I can’t seem to shake the feeling of trying to fix things. Unfortunately, I have the emotional capacity of a walnut so it’s a little harder to do without that drive. I stick to what I know. It tends to be this uncomplicated and stable bubble. Those are my rose colored glasses.

I’m picking up the pieces. I’m moving forward with my rose colored glasses.

Fake it till you make it…

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Probably the BEST piece of advice I’ve gotten in the past couple of months. I tend to forget how toxic I can be to the people around me. You never seem to realize how your attitude can effect the people around you. We live in these pretty little bubbles. We go about our days with all of the emotional roller coasters. We don’t see the people we bring along for the ride. I refuse to drag people through this turmoil. I need to get my shit straight. August or not, it’s time for change. I’ve chosen the people who have tickets onto this train. If you’re not on it, then there’s a reason.

2015 is the year of change regardless of people’s opinion. Your own opinion is what counts, right?

Slowly BUT surely coming up with a list of changes.

Please excuse me as I emotionally vomit…

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Let’s push the envelope a bit, shall we?

It’s been SOME time since my last post. The phrase “when it rains, it pours” has been the story of my life for the past year. side note: can’t believe it’s been a year. Regardless, it is what it is. Don’t get me wrong. I love my life. Life has taught me a myriad of things and I have come out a completely different person. Some things good, a lot of things bad. Only those closest to me have really seen the difference. They’re worried. I’ve got it under control. Or so I think.

Brings me to the next point. What do you do when every one around you tells you that you’re not handling things very well yet you are perfectly content? How do you even get back to the point where you become what you were before after so much has happened? How do you turn your emotions back on? How do you care when you don’t want to? Here’s my dilemma. I don’t know how to get back to the point where the things that mattered to me most affected (effected?) me and don’t now. Especially considering the fact that I don’t want them to. Is it horrible that I am perfectly content with not caring? Is it horrible that I only want to worry about me? That I want to focus on the people and things that make me happy?

Self medicating. Auto shut down. These things work. They make sense. They are how I move forward. How is this wrong? Am I not still living my life? Do I not have a smile on my face? Do I not feel joy?

How can I let people decide when enough is enough for ME?

I’m no longer on the verge of self combustion. I am legit HAPPY. How long this lasts is yet to be determined. But shouldn’t it be good enough for now?

Changes.

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life.

It’s always full of changes. Some minor and some completely life altering. My absence has primarily been because of the massive changes that have taken place in my life (aaaannndddd because I’m lazy. Duh. ) The last 4 months have been crazy and I don’t see that changing any time soon but I am trying to embrace it. I made some choices that didn’t exactly pan out the way that I wanted. It’s almost like I tried to keep two separate worlds. I compartmentalized people and things and categorized them base off of the things that helped keep me in post change and things that were pre-change. Now life has happened. It seems like it was a little too good to be true to separate the two worlds and maintain stability.

The Collide

It’s been beautiful to see it unfold. To see all the colors mix together and create this beautiful landscape of hope. It’s been empowering and caused me to have conversations that I thought I would never have. Make choices based off of what is best for me instead of some romantic and unrealistic notion of the future. The changes and collide are intimidating beautiful which ultimately makes me feel blessed to have it happen at all.

Life is good. It could be so much worse. But the sky is bright and the sun is out.

I’m officially living my life for me